Robbing the Cradle: A Tribute to the Babies and the Cougars that Maul Them

There must have been a covert spill of hottie hormones that spilled in the milk supply in the late 1980’s because the crop of young boys prancing on the entertainment circuit and on the streets, for that matter, are overwhelming: Zac Efron, the Jonas brothers, Rob Pattison, the boy bitches from Gossip Girl, Shia LaBeouf, Emile Hirsch, and a number of boys under 25 that live in my town (names will not be disclosed for obvious reasons you nosy whores).

This blog post really should be a tribute to the bitches that laid the groundwork for the rest of us to rob the cradle: Demi Moore, Drew Barrymore, Courtney Cox, and Cameron Diaz. The feeling of hanging on the arm of some boy who is barely legal to drink, just got his driver’s license four years ago, and is only few years out of college is priceless. It’s hilarious actually since I was born in the 70’s.

Yup. That’s right.

Some of you chicks are shaking your head in disapproval, maybe in disgust. That’s fine, but nothing beats a pretty boy with an Abercrombie stomach who has the stamina of a 20 year old because he actually is a 20 year old. Not to say that dudes in my own age group are slovenly. There is a 33 year old doctor I know that could compete with the young ones in the superficial categories of rock hard body, prowess, and agility. He should teach a class. In any case, rumor is surgeons have developed stamina due to the nature of their job. (Just something to think about while you’re sifting through dudes out there.)

I’m writing this in jest. Sort of. I’m somewhat convinced that the dude that actually tackles me down and tames me into commitment will be someone I am at least five to ten (maybe twelve) years older than, simply because only a young dude can chase me around circles, put up with my shenanigans, and have the energy to shackle me into some sort of domestic relationship.

Just think: my possible future domestic partner was born in 1991 and is currently a senior in high school. This is not as bad as it sounds. Look at Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher; they have a fifteen year age difference.

Cheers to robbing the cradle and looking fabulous while doing it.