Sweet Jesus has answered my prayers. There is a new starlet who is making his way through the Hollywood ranks as the new hot piece in action flicks. Not that I would ever in a million years say that the beauty, grace, and deliciousness of Keanu Reeves could ever be replicated in anyone, aside from a son my dear Keanu hopefully sires one day, but Paul Walker is the Keanu of the Disney Generation. I mean who didn’t watch Eight Below thirty-five times?
I did. And I’m not lying.
I’m on the cusp of the Disney Generation and my generation, Generation X. I witnessed Keanu’s debut in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and followed his career ever since. I have likewise observed Paul Walker’s career trajectory as an actor who makes lots of movies mostly because he is a whopping big piece of eye candy. This massive allotment of sweetness brings in bank, just look at Keanu’s track record.
Like Reeves, Walker tends to act like himself over and over again only in different settings, which is absolutely fine with me. He can do whatever he wants as long as he continues to show us his pretty little face, rock hard abs and ass. (There is a scene of his precious ass in Running Scared. Rent it now as soon as you're done reading this.) If he wants to star in 9 Fast and 9 Furious, Fast and the Furious on Christmas Vacation, Fast and the Furious 17: Redemption Day, Fast and the Furious 35: The Final Frontier, or any other variation on the Fast and Furious franchise, he should because I will watch these movies. And you damn well know I will.
Never mind that The Fast and the Furious came out in 2000 and they decided to name the newest addition to the franchise, Fast & Furious, which opens this weekend. The movie must be that good if they wasted all the creative talent on the actual plot and not on making a new or at least catchy variation on the original movie title. This is what I’m hoping, but I honestly do not care. I like fast cars and fast boys. So this movie should give me what I want. It’s not going to win any Oscars, so please don’t be disappointed when it fails to deliver poignant scenes and heartwarming performances.
I just have one hope for Paul Walker’s newest film: Paul and dozens of other beautifully sculpted people naked, racing cars and delivering memorable quotes like: “You’re gonna need more than that crotch rocket.”
Crotch rocket? Brilliant line. Right up there with, “Here’s looking at you, kid.”
Run out to the movie theaters, folks, and please watch this flick because we all must be in support of Paul Walker and his newly branded starlet status as the new pretty boy of Hollywood action movies.
Oh and Vin Diesel is in the movie, too. He’s not bad to look at either, but not exactly a pretty boy.
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