Saturday, August 6, 2011

My Engagement Photos Will Look Something Like This

People are going to murder me for saying this, but the new trend of "magazine style" engagement photos is really lame. These pictures never look cool. The couple is either in front of a fountain, skipping along a street, or in some other trite setting. They are contorted into any number of cheesy poses that look awkward, unnatural, and monotonous. 55 pictures of staring into each other’s eyes, awkwardly embracing in front of a fountain, or dreamily walking down a boring street? Um. Ya. Looks great.

My friends tell me that when I plan my wedding they are going to remind me of my diatribe against engagement photos. Go ahead. Print out this blog post and save it for later. But you better laminate it because I’m never getting married. I will mostly shack up with some dude, who I will subsequently mate with, but I will never walk down an aisle unless someone drugs/drags me. So, unless you have a steady supply of Rohypnol and a strong arm, I’m not doing it. Cuison I was born. Cuison I will always be.

However, if I were to ever get married (Lord knows I’ve been engaged more than once. Ya, ya. Those stories are for another day.) and commence to get engagement photos done, they would look something like this.




And as for bridal photos, I'll do something like this.

Because seriously, when I get married, the nuptials will take place in wintry landscape located in hell.

So I might as well go all out, right?