For the love of God, my obsession with Matt Damon must stop

I have this habit or hobby rather, to collect Matt Damon look-alikes. It started Spring Break 1998. He was from Boston and he was beautiful… like Matt Damon. I can’t even remember this kid’s real name because he will forever be imprinted in my mind as my first Matt Damon. Kids, you can laugh, but you can’t make this kind of shit up. I unintentionally collect Matt Damon look-alikes as real life boy toys.

I often even lie to myself and tell myself that I don’t even like Matt Damon. I protest up and down whenever one of the Bourne movies comes on tv, but I secretly am enamored from the corner of my eye.

Throughout the years, there have been more Matt Damons, regardless of whatever I try to tell myself to do. Take a room full of guys. I will make a beeline for the dude that somewhat somehow kinda sorta maybe a little bit resembles from afar Matt Damon. It’s true. Dear God! It’s true!

It’s time for me to face my problem. I often carry on in ridiculous entanglements with guys simply because of their Matt Damon-ness physical qualities. Dude could be a narcissistic capitalist Republican and I would overlook this because of what he looks like. I fear that the only way I will get over this obsession is to actually nail the real Matt Damon. Is this going to happen for me?

Probably not.

So, what do I do? Nothing. I guess collect more Matt Damons. Maybe I should switch to Ben Afflecks…

Nah. Now we all know that is pure nonsense.