I’m a nurse. An ICU nurse to be specific. I was previously the local hospital’s critical care bitch and would float to all the ICU’s and ER’s in the hospital including: MICU, NSICU, STICU, CCU, CTICU, and DDICU.
I also should be a NP if it weren’t for the racist powers that be at a state university, but I dropped out before the academic lynching. (If you dispute this fact, you can take a look at my stellar transcripts and my thesis that earned me two awards.) So, I know a little bit about diseases, diagnosis, and physiological processes.
However...
Despite all this education and experience, I cannot jump out of myself when I am sick, examine myself, come up with a diagnosis, and treat myself.
I am not House, M.D.
And even House couldn’t do this, which is why he ended up with a bum leg.
In any case, I presented with a fever over 3 days, severe head pain, neck pain, neck stiffness, and photophobia. Along with my other symptoms associated with strep throat: exudate on tonsils, fever, throat pain, and ear pain.
Let me repeat: I had no idea what I looked like and could not examine myself.
Was I worried? Ya. Was I experiencing the worst headache of my life along with the inability to turn my head? Fuck yes.
The ER nurse asked me, “What? Did you think you had meningitis?”
I replied, “Well, I’m having the worst headache of my life, neck stiffness, and photophobia. I tried to assess myself for the Kernig's sign or Brudzinski's sign, but you can imagine how hard this is to do on myself.”
She laughed. Most probably because as much as she wanted to come off like a know-it-all nurse, she HAD NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.
Listen. I wasn’t feeling well. Did I think I seriously had meningitis? I doubted it. Did I think that something else besides strep throat must be causing the head pain, neck pain, and dizziness? Fuck yes, Sherlock.
The nurse then snidely says, “Oh. Was meningitis something you read about? How long have you been a nurse?”
Me: Six years.
Nurse: Where?
Me: Medical Blank of Blank Blank.
Nurse: Really? I used to work there. I don’t remember you there? Are you sure?
Am I sure?
Not only did this bitch criticize my nursing critical thinking skills, which by the way, I don’t suggest anyone apply to themselves when you’re sick, she questioned whether I was lying about where I worked.
Seriously?
I also informed this nurse that narcotics make me nauseous.
She replied, “Oh! You’ll be fine!” as she pushed IV Dilaudid.
So, after dry heaving, crying, and asking the nurse three times for something for my nausea, it took an hour (my brother can confirm the time I waited) for another nurse (not my original nurse) to bring me an antiemetic.
I also should be a NP if it weren’t for the racist powers that be at a state university, but I dropped out before the academic lynching. (If you dispute this fact, you can take a look at my stellar transcripts and my thesis that earned me two awards.) So, I know a little bit about diseases, diagnosis, and physiological processes.
However...
Despite all this education and experience, I cannot jump out of myself when I am sick, examine myself, come up with a diagnosis, and treat myself.
I am not House, M.D.
And even House couldn’t do this, which is why he ended up with a bum leg.
In any case, I presented with a fever over 3 days, severe head pain, neck pain, neck stiffness, and photophobia. Along with my other symptoms associated with strep throat: exudate on tonsils, fever, throat pain, and ear pain.
Let me repeat: I had no idea what I looked like and could not examine myself.
Was I worried? Ya. Was I experiencing the worst headache of my life along with the inability to turn my head? Fuck yes.
The ER nurse asked me, “What? Did you think you had meningitis?”
I replied, “Well, I’m having the worst headache of my life, neck stiffness, and photophobia. I tried to assess myself for the Kernig's sign or Brudzinski's sign, but you can imagine how hard this is to do on myself.”
She laughed. Most probably because as much as she wanted to come off like a know-it-all nurse, she HAD NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.
Listen. I wasn’t feeling well. Did I think I seriously had meningitis? I doubted it. Did I think that something else besides strep throat must be causing the head pain, neck pain, and dizziness? Fuck yes, Sherlock.
The nurse then snidely says, “Oh. Was meningitis something you read about? How long have you been a nurse?”
Me: Six years.
Nurse: Where?
Me: Medical Blank of Blank Blank.
Nurse: Really? I used to work there. I don’t remember you there? Are you sure?
Am I sure?
Not only did this bitch criticize my nursing critical thinking skills, which by the way, I don’t suggest anyone apply to themselves when you’re sick, she questioned whether I was lying about where I worked.
Seriously?
I also informed this nurse that narcotics make me nauseous.
She replied, “Oh! You’ll be fine!” as she pushed IV Dilaudid.
So, after dry heaving, crying, and asking the nurse three times for something for my nausea, it took an hour (my brother can confirm the time I waited) for another nurse (not my original nurse) to bring me an antiemetic.
So, now that I’m feeling better, I just have this to say to that nurse that took the time to insult me while I was sick, but did not have the time to bring me something for my nausea,
Go fuck yourself.
Go fuck yourself.
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