New York, New York... Big City of Dreams -If You're into That

I’ve been to New York City on several occasions. I even seriously considered moving up there, but after this last trip, I have made an official declaration that I will never move there.

On most trips to NYC, I’ve been a tourist, a wayward traveler, just hanging out and partying with friends. This recent trip was similar, only it was more of an abbreviated excursion due to time constraints, the holidays, and the need to spend time with someone in a very limited amount of time.

You know the New York Minute people talk about? Ya. It’s a lie. It’s actually equivalent to 15 to 50 minutes depending on the day of the week, weather, or some unforeseen event like particular unavailable subway trains that you had no idea would be unavailable until you took 3 trains to get there. Fun.

When you’re milling around, taking in sights and bullshitting on your vacation, who gives a fuck about travel time? But when you are trying to get errands done in a time efficient manner, you might as well go fuck yourself, because the city will fuck you before you get a chance to cross even one thing off your to-do list.

To make the trip more annoying, it was too bitter ass cold. -Too cold to do anything on public transportation. Is this not a PC/ Go Green thing to say? Well, fuck you. 17 degrees is goddamn cold. I’m not one to be lazy and not want to walk somewhere, but I’m sure as hell uncomfortable walking through wind chill that's piercing through my face and my numerous layers of clothes.

Not to mention all the fucking people. No matter where you turn, there’s a mother fucker in your way or you’re in his. I’m not what you call a “people person” and all that non-stop human interaction is not something I can deal with 365 days a year, especially in winter.

On second thought: an addendum to my previous declaration is that I’ll move to NYC, only if I’m a millionaire. Rich New Yorkers don’t ride the subway, deal with hordes of people, or live in unsavory locales. Meaning: if I’m established enough as a writer and get to live in a swanky abode in Tribeca next to Jay-Z and Leo DiCaprio, sign me the fuck up! But until then…

New York is only for vacations.

(I always digged the West Coast more than the East Coast. Take that for what you will.)