I love that show, Jon & Kate Plus Eight. I have seen every episode three or five times. The kids are the true stars of the show; they occasionally inspire me to procreate with a Caucasian man to have some damn pretty babies. So, when I heard about Jon prancing around town without his brood and the chick that lugged around all eight of his kids in her uterus, I about lost my shit because I will be goddamned if they are going to cancel that show on account of Jon wanting his privacy.
I can see how privacy can be very important if you want to distribute your penis to other women without your wife finding out and there are always prying cameras around to capture those precious moments. Jon has been spotted on two documented occasions by the hardworking paparazzi cavorting around town with bitches that ain’t Kate. He whimpers that the show has made it hard for him to be just Jon. Now he has to be Jon AND Kate Plus Eight.
Regardless if you are on a reality show or not that’s what happens when you get married and have kids. It’s not all about you anymore. Why the hell do you think I haven’t shackled my ass down with a husband and kids. If I could have these “family members” in my life without the responsibility of taking them into account every time I decided to try out new sexual partners, I would do it. Who wouldn't!
After his last documented outing with a non-Kate, Jon asserts that he practiced “poor judgment.” Nice. I practice poor judgment 3 to 5 nights out of the week, but of course I don’t have the paparazzi there to distribute these photographs or a family of nine that could come across such photos.
You might be thinking to yourself: "Who f*cking cares? Why are you telling me this?" Ok. Is it useless to give a shit about people we don’t even know? Yes. Of course it is. Is it better than being updated every 20 seconds on the swine flu? F*ck yes!
So, Jon: Get your shit together. Either stop allegedly cheating on your wife or learn to cheat on her like politicians, actors, professional athletes, and musicians do: discreetely.
And in the spirit of being as random as possible...
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