The Freeze Out

Sorry is just a four letter word... with y on the end. -Eric Cartman

I've done some pretty fucked up things at the end of some of my relationships, but nothing takes the cake like the freeze out. I've never actually done the freeze out to anyone. I'm more of a fade out kind of chick. The fade out is where you gradually decrease the amount of time and attention you give to your significant other and before he/she realizes it, the relationship is over. The freeze out is more abrupt. Like a punch in the face, if you will. One minute the two of you are together, making plans for the next day or whatever, but then BAM! He/she just doesn't ever talk to you again. He doesn't return calls and texts. He vanishes. Disappears. Without an explanation. Without a good-bye. Or even a fuck you.

Nope. Not even a fuck you.

What is most humiliating about the freeze out is that your ass doesn't even know you're being frozen out. So, you carry on with normal everyday activities as if you two were still together. You text. You call. You expect that plans you made two days ago are actually going to happen. Since you had no idea that your significant other broke up with you without you knowing it, you give him the benefit of the doubt that he is just busy or his phone is on the fritz or even that he got hit by a car. What other reason would there be that this relationship that you thought was going splendidly was, in fact, over.

It's not until day 3, you start to worry. You call your friends. You ask around. Have you seen him/her? Maybe he/she is really dead? Maybe he/she is lying in an ICU as John or Jane Doe and no one knows he/she is incapacitated. You think that there is no way that your dude/chick is just not calling you back. Impossible!

But then, a friend of a friend of a friend will inform you that your boyfriend was spotted out on the town last night alive and well.

“Did he have any scratches, lacerations or bruises that would indicate he was in some sort of traumatic accident?” you ask.

“No,” your friend of a friend of a friend replies.

“Did he look like he was suffering from amnesia from an accident that possibly did not leave any visible marks?”

“No.”

Oh... Well. Fuck.

So, you commence to have conversations with yourself because your boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend, you guess) will not call you or even acknowledge that you existed in his life. You try to achieve closure with yourself through your long truly pitiful discussions with just yourself. You start to think you have multiple personality disorder or that there is something wrong with you because these long drawn out conversations last for hours. You maybe try one more time to contact him through e-mail, text, or a voicemail. You even consider hiring a skywriter or sending a telegram. But these efforts go unanswered. You have been frozen out, honey. And it's fucking cold.

Throughout the next week, you will suffer through the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance that this person you spent time with had really no respect for you at all. -Not enough to even let you know that you have been let go. And you run over your mind the last time you were together. You are embarrassed that you trusted this person.

After all this, self-probing and wretched humiliation, you come to the realization that this person can go fuck himself.

And this is finally your closure.

You thaw yourself out from the freeze out and move the fuck on.

Strange can clear your mind.

I’ll be viewed as an asshole for saying this and I’m not disputing that I’m a bona fide dickhead for practicing this philosophy at times, but there is nothing like strange to clear your fucking mind.

The kind of strange that’s 21 years old with a six pack, a GQ jaw line, and a very limited range of vocabulary. This isn’t the strange to leave your one and only for, but this is the strange to leave your dude for one night.

I think about all the day to day bullshit of a long term relationship.

The miscommunication:

What did you mean by that? –your significant other

Huh. I didn’t say anything. – you

Why do you always do this?! – your significant other

What? Do what? - you

Do you even care about me? –your significant other

What? What just happened? -you


The repetitive sex as interesting as brushing your teeth:

You wanna have sex? –your signficant other

Um. Sure. Why not? -you

Okay. –your significant other

(Long pause)

Oh! You mean right now? Can we wait until House is over? -you


The long boring conversations about the act of eating food:

What do you want for dinner tonight? - your significant other

I don’t know. What do you want for dinner? - you

I don’t know. What do you want? -your significant other

I don’t know. You pick. - you

No. It’s your turn. You pick. -your significant other

(This conversation will go on for another 10 minutes.)

And the other countless predictable interactions you have with the one you love. Please don’t get me wrong. When you love someone, you tolerate these banal activities with your sweetie. It’s comforting. It’s home.

But sometimes a nice piece of strange lands (literally) right into your lap. You could harmlessly be walking along and then bam! That shit slams right into you. You either pick yourself up and keep walking or let that mother fucker carry you off into the sunset (just for that night).

It’s up to you.

These occasional strange encounters have nothing to do with the person you have a life, a family, and relationship with. I stand by this: Absolutely nothing.

How can that be?

Because when it’s all over, you realize that strange doesn’t love you, won’t have a family with you, and won’t be there with you to experience life together.

Like I said: There’s nothing like strange to clear your mother fucking mind and remind you of the significance of your significant other.

Just keep it clean and don’t get caught. Or you might lose your significant other for good depending on how forgiving and understanding he or she is.

I am on the forgiving side and understand that shit sometimes happens to all of us. If I happened to leave someone on account of a one night mistake, I was lying and just waiting for a chance to hit the door and run.

From the words of wisdom of Chris Rock: Commitment will give you a headache every now and then, but new pussy will always clear your mind.

New Pussy Can't Cook sound bite  Chris Rock: Bring the Pain sound bites