30 Days

It takes 30 days to break a habit. And a relationship is, in essence, a habit. A nasty habit depending on your significant other. Or a sweet habit depending on how drugged and intoxicated you were through most of the relationship. (A joke… Kind of.)

In any case, most people get overwhelmed with the idea of getting over someone like it’s an enormous feat. It isn’t. Your ex is like heroin. An addiction.

Heroin addicts don’t get over their addictions by hanging out with heroin everyday. So, don’t get chummy with your ex after you’ve broken up.

To get over your ex, all you have to do is completely change the routine you had with him/her for 30 days. This means: No contact. No texting. No e-mailing. No driving by their houses. (Yes. Some of you do this.) Nothing. Stop it.

This also means: if you two watched some stupid show like, American Idol, together, you have to take a break from pretty boy, Ryan Seacrest, for a month, too. Change your routine completely. You have to get clean and rid yourself of your old habit.

Now, a sure way to accelerate this process is to get a new companion. A rebound. You will then be too busy dealing with this new asshole’s routine, idiosyncrasies, and quirks that you will forget all about your ex.

The thing about the rebound is that it is an extremely time sensitive arrangement. You can only keep him/her for a month. Month and a half at most. You were in such a vulnerable state when you inducted the rebound in your life that you could easily get blind-sided with a whole new committed relationship with another douche bag.

Moreover, you have to stay with the new douche for the entire 30 days. You have to be careful. Don't switch out the rebound too early. I am known for my impatience and have not always fully followed through with the 30 day plan with a rebound.

Hence, I’m currently on my sixth.

All bullshitting aside... Seriously, this shit works. It’s like magic.

Good luck!