Sex, Love, and the Morning After

Girls make this mistake time and time again. The same shit happens every Friday night with the same realization every Monday morning, but chicks always give it one more try just in case the dude is different.

Good luck with that.

Sex is not love. Love is not sex. In my case, if I’ve slept with a guy, I probably don’t love him. And if I haven’t slept with a guy in my life, I probably consider him the love of my life. (Something like that.)

But the point is, chicks: if you fuck a guy, it means absolutely nothing. Nothing. Zilch. He ain’t your boyfriend the next morning. So many girls are stranded in the dark ages of the 1950’s and whole-heartedly think that having sex brings the relationship to a new level. That this “step” signifies to the dude that the relationship is meaningful and that they are now committed.

I always hear, “But we had sex…”

My response: And? So? Your point?

After you sleep with a dude, this does not mean you two are going steady.

Wake the fuck up.

If you can’t handle the fuck, get the hell out of the bedroom (or backseat, bathroom stall, kitchen table or whatever the fuck it is you decided to let him blow his load on you).

Just wait. Wait until the guy says (sober) that he is committed to you. Then fuck him. This will cut down on all the instances where you thought a guy really cared about you, but was really only trying to fuck you to pass the time. It will not eliminate these guys completely in your life by any means, but it may decrease the times you feel used by at least twenty percent.

I hate to say it, but romance is dead. -Brutally murdered by easy access pornography, detached digital communication, the decreased attention span spurred by MTV videos and sound bites, mass consumption, and mass disposal.

We are a disposal society. We use something, toss it, and then get a new one. Simple. Modern sexual relations are the same way. Sorry. We’ll trade you in for something better, fresher, and newer, if we don’t really love you.

So, please don’t confuse a late night fuck with something meaningful in your life. Love and sex are not the same things. If you hold sex near and dear to your heart as something beautiful and special, for the love of god, please don’t fuck a guy until he commits to you. You will only spend most of your time crying on the phone with your girlfriends.

And those of us chicks who got the fucking memo in 1997 are tired of hearing you cry.

So, dry your eyes. Keep your pants on. And have a good night.

*(As an afterthought: I've met some guys who are stage five clingers, too. This post goes for both dudes and chicks.)