Support Fast Five. Support Mr. Walker.

Since I am the president of the Support Paul Walker organization, of which I am still the sole member, I am campaigning weeks in advance for Fast Five. Most purport that my interest in the Fast and Furious franchise is purely due to Paul Walker. I resent that vehemently.

Paul Walker is only 89% of the reason I've seen these movies hundreds of times. I like cool cars. Must you forget that I'm Asian? For god sakes! I watch Top Gear. (The BBC version. The American version is not nearly is good). I know what's up about cars. It's all good and dandy to remember I'm Asian when you need help with your math problems or need to borrow someone's wok or rice cooker, but you forget I'm Asian when it comes to cars. Asians love this shit. Have you ever heard of the term "rice rocket?"

Watch the Fast and Furious movies. This is important because there are actual Asians in them! The Fast and Furious movies have employed 96% of Asian actors in Hollywood, which is yet ANOTHER reason to watch Fast Five. (My statistics are based on whatever number pops in my head. There is no validity to what I claim to say.)

What is another reason to watch Fast Five on April 29th? T & A. I haven't seen that much T&A packed into a two minute trailer in my life. At 0:21 of the trailer: naked chicks. Genius! The makers of this film know what makes for a great entertainment experience and that's girls in their underwear twenty seconds into the trailer.

Can you even imagine what the entire film is going to be like? Most likely, an explosion of naked girls and ripped guy walking around in the background. The F&F filmmakers make sure to put hot people in every nook and cranny of the shot. The waiters are hot. The pedestrians are hot. The random girls dancing on top of cars are hot (0:52).

The people in this movie are breathtaking. Combine that with engines revving in the background. I'm sold. I'm bought. I will be this movie's whore.

Paul Walker's triceps never looked better. (I like triceps. Shut up.) Vin Diesel is brawny and brooding as ever. Jordana Brewster is smoking hot. (God! I wish she made more movies.) And there is a whole slew of other beautiful people to gawk at for two hours.

Is it Oscar award winning acting? Hell, I hope not! I can't be asked to pay attention to nuances in acting talent while there are all those hot people speeding around in beautiful cars.

Watch the trailer here:

You'll love it, if you know what good shit is. And go watch the movie when it comes out. I want them to keep making F&F movies forever and ever.

Amen.