Strange- (n.) sex outside your current relationship

The rumors surrounding Tiger Woods and his speculated strange launched a discussion this morning in class about cheating.

I said matter-of-factly, “Who cares? Everybody cheats.”

This caused some classmates to attempt to decapitate me with their stares of disdain and disgust, but I stand to my previous claim: Cheating happens. I’m not saying 100 percent of the population does it, but I speculate that nearly most of the Western population, in particular, has at one point cheated.

It’s part of our fiber as a neoliberal society. Cheating on our significant other only fulfills our quest to maximize profit while minimizing expenditure.

And it’s only called cheating if you get caught. (Think about the financial scandals such as Madoff and Enron. These “cheaters” were only functioning off the principles of capitalism as their primary motivations to gain profit.)

Think about it.

I must clarify that I’m not talking about having two significant others at the very same time. Like the grandmother, who upon her dear beloved husband’s death, finds out that the son of a bitch had another family in the next town for the last 40 years. Even I can say that’s fucked up.

I’m talking about the one night strange.

This strange is like a shirt you find at the discount rack at an outlet store. It’s not quite what you want to wear every day, a little irregular at times, and definitely not like the shirt you love at home, but the key difference is that it’s NOT the shirt you have at home. So, you try it on once… or twice.

How could you pass up such a good looking piece of clothing that’s half the price of the shirt you have to maintain at home every single day? Easy and cheap! –This is what we, as neoliberalists, live for!

In the same vein, when the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund strategically prevent developing countries from improving their infrastructure and independence, this kind of exploitation is also cheating. The goal is to maximize gain while minimizing loss even if it’s at the expense of others.

Most ignore the significance of these fraudulent acts that affect millions, but instead focus on marriage infidelities, like Tiger's situation, which only affects his family.

Why are neoliberal principles acceptable in some situations and not in others? Strange… Strange, indeed.

As a neoliberal society, we want discounts. We want more, more, more. The more the better! This mentality doesn’t stop at material goods; it extends into our human relationships.

Strange is just one little part of our everyday lives that are full of manipulation for profit (commercials, branding, mass consumption, the alleged emotional comfort of inanimate objects, and materialism).

Likewise, discount pussy means more pussy at a lower rate than the old original pussy you’ve used over and over again. New pussy gain with as little personal investment as possible is like venture capitalism if you think about it.

Getting something for nothing (or nearly nothing) makes you the biggest player (neoliberal capitalist) on the block.

Nothing strange about that, folks. Look around you.

Sex, Love, and the Morning After

Girls make this mistake time and time again. The same shit happens every Friday night with the same realization every Monday morning, but chicks always give it one more try just in case the dude is different.

Good luck with that.

Sex is not love. Love is not sex. In my case, if I’ve slept with a guy, I probably don’t love him. And if I haven’t slept with a guy in my life, I probably consider him the love of my life. (Something like that.)

But the point is, chicks: if you fuck a guy, it means absolutely nothing. Nothing. Zilch. He ain’t your boyfriend the next morning. So many girls are stranded in the dark ages of the 1950’s and whole-heartedly think that having sex brings the relationship to a new level. That this “step” signifies to the dude that the relationship is meaningful and that they are now committed.

I always hear, “But we had sex…”

My response: And? So? Your point?

After you sleep with a dude, this does not mean you two are going steady.

Wake the fuck up.

If you can’t handle the fuck, get the hell out of the bedroom (or backseat, bathroom stall, kitchen table or whatever the fuck it is you decided to let him blow his load on you).

Just wait. Wait until the guy says (sober) that he is committed to you. Then fuck him. This will cut down on all the instances where you thought a guy really cared about you, but was really only trying to fuck you to pass the time. It will not eliminate these guys completely in your life by any means, but it may decrease the times you feel used by at least twenty percent.

I hate to say it, but romance is dead. -Brutally murdered by easy access pornography, detached digital communication, the decreased attention span spurred by MTV videos and sound bites, mass consumption, and mass disposal.

We are a disposal society. We use something, toss it, and then get a new one. Simple. Modern sexual relations are the same way. Sorry. We’ll trade you in for something better, fresher, and newer, if we don’t really love you.

So, please don’t confuse a late night fuck with something meaningful in your life. Love and sex are not the same things. If you hold sex near and dear to your heart as something beautiful and special, for the love of god, please don’t fuck a guy until he commits to you. You will only spend most of your time crying on the phone with your girlfriends.

And those of us chicks who got the fucking memo in 1997 are tired of hearing you cry.

So, dry your eyes. Keep your pants on. And have a good night.

*(As an afterthought: I've met some guys who are stage five clingers, too. This post goes for both dudes and chicks.)