Top 5 Under 25

School is back in session. As a tribute to all the young twenty something boys crawling around this tiny town, jam-packed with students from Medical University of South Carolina, College of Charleston, Charleston School of Law, et. al, I bring you my top five under 25.

I love this town. I keep getting older and the boys stay the same age.

Welcome back!

1. Cristiano Ronaldo- Age: 24. Height: 6'1"
He plays soccer or something. Who cares, right? Keep it up, kid. Whatever helps you look like this.


2. Zac Efron -Age: 21 Height: 5'10"
So pretty.



3. Emile Hirsch- Age: 24 Height: 5'7"


4. Robert Pattison- Age: 23 Height: 6'1"
Hate to be trite, but dude deserves recognition.


5. Joe Jonas -Age: 20 Height: 5'9"
Purity ring my ass.

This is what happens when stupid tricks are allowed to speak

There should be a farm where we send beautiful people who spew ridiculous bullshit out of their pretty little mouths. We would allow them time off the farm for good behavior, to act in movies, and “conjugal” visits, but then we would return these precious creatures back to the farm where they may run their retarded mouths with abandon. That way we wouldn’t have to actually talk to them and be exposed to their idiocy that only dissuades us from wanting to nail them.

Megan Fox would be the first trick on the farm.

Another fabulous quote from this ho: “It pisses me off when people complain that I’m too beautiful to get a part. That’s bullshit. And if I weren’t attractive I wouldn’t be working at all.”

If she wasn’t such a dumbass trick she would have realized that this is what casting directors say to be nice because she can’t act. She has less acting ability than the annoying mannequins in the Old Navy commercials.

Megan needs to know: Don’t get such a big head about your beauty because no matter how hot a girl is, some guy (audience in this case) somewhere is tired of fucking her.

(This adage also goes for hot dudes, too. Trust me.)

Funny thing is Megan Fox came in second this year to Olivia Wilde on Maxim’s Hot 100 List. Ouch.

Shanna Moakler: Hot Bitch of the Month

I get this bitch! I dig her. Some people raised their eyebrows about her marriage to Travis Barker, drummer for Blink-182, while I thought to myself, “Hell yes!” I understand getting involved with rock stars even though these relationships do not realistically last. I’ve been doing this unconstructive shit since I met a Swedish singer/songwriter in my early twenties.


But what makes Shanna the hot bitch of May is her resignation as Miss California co-executive director when those pageant whores refused to strip Miss California, Carrie Prejean, of her crown after she launched an anti-gay marriage campaign that officials claimed interfered with her duties as beauty queen. Then some nude photos surfaced, but who cares about that? Everyone has a couple of those…

In any case, Shanna simply could not work for an organization that supported Prejean and her gay marriage smear campaign, so she quit that bitch without a new job lined up.

I get this bitch! I dropped out of grad school because I did not believe in the university I attended or their support of inequality and horizontal violence. I quit with only one class left to complete, a 3.9 GPA, and a successfully defended thesis with no plans for the future in immediate sight.

Nobody needs to support stupid tricks and cheers to bitches that refuse to.

Fuck it.

Scarlett Johansson is the Hot Bitch of the Month

I love Scarlett Johansson’s body. No seriously. Have you seen her rack? She has recently blogged about the rumors that she has dropped 14 pounds from strict eating and gruesome workout routines. She denied such irresponsible media coverage and wrote that she would have to lose both arms and a foot to be 14 pounds lighter. My first thought was that if she were to lose more weight, she would likely drop a few cup sizes, which would honestly be a tragedy.

What irked Scarlett the most was that impressionable young fans out there might read about the false claims and then adopt crash diets and strict exercise regimes when she has always advocated for healthy body images in all women.

She admits to working out a bit more for her role in Iron Man 2 that requires her to wear a catsuit get-up, but is not partaking in any overly rigorous diet and exercise routines. I didn’t watch Iron Man the first time around, but news of this catsuit guarantees my support for the second film.

I’m happy to hear that Ms. Johansson has no plans to skinny her ass up because she truly does have one of the hottest bodies on the silver screen.

In any case, Scarlett has a rocking ass body that lands her in my top 5 bitches. Her voluptuousness is nice to see in the land of the skinny, no breasts, and no booty. Her body is 75% of the reason I see her films. She happens to be a great actress, too which is really just coincidental in my mind.

And who the hell doesn’t like T & A?

Especially hers.

Hell yes. Scarlett Johansson is the hot bitch of the month.