White House Hotties

People Magazine with its infinite wisdom released its 100 Most Beautiful People list earlier this week. Don’t bother buying it because it’s mostly the same bitches every single year.

What has come to my attention is a special section devoted to “Obama’s Beauties.” Since I’m always interested in new beautiful people, I did some investigating myself. People lists some staff members who they deem beautiful. Blah, blah, blah. People also prints stories on Heidi Montag and Spencer F*ckface. So, who are you going to trust? That’s right: me.

These are the hot boys of Obama’s staff, indeed making me wonder if the White House has some sort of private duty nurse position open that I will surely apply for to get the chance to get close to these hot pieces.

1. Kal Penn- Associate Director in the Office of Public Liaison

I’ve professed my devotion to Mr. Penn before. Hot. Indian. The legendary “Kumar”.



2. Sam Kass- Assistant White House Chef

I will eat anything he wants me to... (within reason).



3. Jon Favreau- Chief White House Speechwriter

Don’t get confused. This is not the same dude that brought us Swingers, but this pretty baby (only 27 years old) is the head speechwriter for Obama.



4. Reggie Love- Obama's personal assistant, aka: Obama's "Body Man."

So, how do you go about hiring this dude to be your personal body man on the weekends? Because I am in need of a professional.



And of course there are some beautiful female staff members, but that’s too easy. Women are always beautiful. It’s finding beautiful dudes that is such a grueling and thankless task.

So, you’re welcome.

We’ve Lost Kumar to the White House

All I saw on the Yahoo headlines was “Character's Sudden Death” and next to the headline was a picture of Kal Penn a.k.a. Kumar of Harold and Kumar. In a panic, my heart fell into my ass because I thought this was saying that Penn had died suddenly.

I took a deep breath and a swig of Corona to focus my nerves. No. The big news is that his character on House died a tragic death. This is big news? You mother fuckers scared the shit out of me.

What does sadden me is that Kal Penn is leaving acting to work for Obama. He said that there will most likely not be anymore Harold and Kumar movies.

This is what is truly tragic.

My only request is that he or someone else since he is a big shot White House official now, finds his replacement in Hollywood. We need another cute Indian actor who doesn’t mind showing some skin from time to time. As it is, there are not too many Hollywood minority actors and here we have lost one to the White House Office of Public Liaison.

Harold and Kumar are Asian and Indian folk’s Bill and Ted. Think of all the Asian and Indian people that have been touched by their performances. Me. Um. My brother? Um. My cousins maybe? Lots of other people I’m sure!

So, let’s pour out a little liquor (in my case Corona) for the abrupt end of the acting career of Kal Penn and the dearly-loved Harold and Kumar movies.