The Jack White (Karen Elson) Conundrum

So, what happened? Jack White produced his wife’s album and that intense time together led to their demise?

I can promise you three things.

1: I will never have a husband.

2: I will never make a record with him.

3. 1 and 2 are null and void, if Jack White is my husband.

Thus, my Jack White pseudo-theorem makes no sense.

Sorry, if I’ve wasted your time.

To make up for stealing 15 seconds of your reading life: Watch the video to a song that may or may not have contributed to their split.

And in all seriousness, working intensely especially in a creative venture is relationship suicide. Next time you want to break it off with your sweetie, but can’t figure out how, write a screenplay, produce a film, or record an album together.

The battle for creative control will drive that last nail in your relationship coffin.

Has Jack White not learned from his last failed marriage? Stop trying to make your wives rock stars. It will end badly. Hence, R.I.P. The White Stripes.

Let Me Take Your Picture

Like I’ve always said: Guys come and go but naked pictures of them last forever… And will be mass texted, mass emailed, and passed around for all my friends to enjoy.

Dude sexting has been brought to light by the Rep. Anthony Weiner’s sexting scandal. He sent pics of his exposed wiener to chicks all over the country that he didn’t even know personally. It’s usually chick sexting that gets all the hubbub, but Weinergate is a media scandal sensation.

At the MTV Movie Awards this week, the cutie, Reese Witherspoon, spoke out against the ills of naked photography and slammed the wannabe chicks with wannabe sex tapes. (Wannabe because seriously, Kim K and Paris: Your sex tapes were boooooring.) Naughty Americans and Brazzers could make better videos than that on a bad day with their second string team, broken down equipment, and a fluffer who sucks (no pun intended) at fluffing.

Witherspoon gave one tidbit of advice that I believe is the most important part of cell phone sext-ography:

“If you took naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone, you hide your face, people! Hide your face!”

This should be a message for both men and women.

Welcome to the Digital Age! Glad you could make it. Remember: Never before in time have we been able to rapidly transfer information to each other in a blink of an eye.

So, don’t be stupid. Hide your face.

Since we are on the topic of crotches, I will leave you with a Jack White crotch shot. Jack White is rumored to be the biggest c&*k in rock. If only he would sext someone, so we would know for sure.